Associations

Our behavioral patterns are a product of our life experiences, positive and negative. With each experience, an association is developed. Personality traits, mannerisms, appearances, songs, particular objects, anything can become associated with a specific moment in time and the feeling that occurred with it.

One of the strongest examples of association is music. A song that was popular at a given time in one’s life can bring back all kinds of memories and feelings. Songs from lighter, more carefree times in our lives can give us an instantaneous lift while others are unwelcome reminders of some of the worst times ever.

These associations can help us develop patterns, subconscious ones at that, which governs the way we conduct ourselves in given circumstances. It is common for people to cling to what is familiar to them, even if it isn’t necessarily a good thing. The saying “better the devil you know” describes this attitude. Everyone has also seen it in action. For instance, everyone has the friend who constantly picks abusive relationships and quickly loses the good ones. It is frustrating to watch and makes little to no sense. The subconscious is strongly at work here through associations. In this example, we will say the friend in question was raised in a house that was full of screaming and verbal abuse. The individual has been torn down their entire life and on some level, might even believe they deserve it. This thought doesn’t have to be a conscious one. It is strictly subconscious. The abuse pattern in one’s life, the equating being treated poorly with love, draws the person to what is familiar … the person who will verbally use them and treat them badly. In short, the association with the familiar wins out over happiness every time. The individual claims they wants out, but they never actually get out, because the association is holding them back. This also explains why the individual will inevitably destroy any good relations or opportunities they have as well. The subconscious keeps them with what they have always known.

Is it a fear of change? Some would argue yes, but that answer is a little too simple and definitely too speculative. It is more likely that the individual is unaware of the association, so there is no conceivable way to combat it. Only by observing the patterns they hold in life can they see there is a problem. From there, it will take some serious and painful soul searching to accept the idea that contact with the familiar is their prison. After all, who wants to take the responsibility that self-sabotage is what is ruining everything worthwhile and good? It’s more attractive to blame circumstances and the world than to blame the self.

That, of course, isn’t to say circumstances can’t hinder and hold back. However, they are usually fleeting and without pattern. If there is a definite pattern established, chances are a past association is influencing the behavior. Not all associations that hold one back have to be negative either. Positive associations can keep us from moving forward as well, once again, because of the familiarity principle. In some ways, positive associations are harder to go against than negative because they weren’t harmful and happiness is often attributed to them. However, if one does not allow for things to change, opportunities get passed by. This explains why so many people will discard amazing possibilities, because they are too comfortable with where they are. This explains the maddening friend or acquaintance that doesn’t take the scholarship to the top-notch university that happens to be far away from home. If home is somewhere that has always been shelter and comfort, it is that much harder for them to take the chance and break away. (Even though home will always be there. Reasoning loses against the pull of subconscious association.)

So how does one break free from associations? In a word, awareness. Only when one identifies and understands the associations imbedded within the subconscious can they possibly learn to resist them. That is not to say associations have to be erased. Associations exist for a reason and can be used as a warning. For example, negative associations can teach us what to stay away from at all costs. Positive associations can help us to see the redeeming qualities in something, just as long as we don’t let the feelings manufactured by the association completely sway our way of thinking.

Until one understands the power of familiarity and association, even if the association is the epitome of negative, one is doomed to repeat the same mistakes they have made in life time and time again.

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

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