Prelude to Part II
Prelude to Part II
Caveat emptor: this part assumes that you have engaged wholeheartedly on the previous chapter of the series, and that you are now armed with more than surface-level knowledge of your inner (emotional and physiological) workings. When I say “wholeheartedly”, I really mean that you must go deep on that stuff before you take any further step. And by deep, I mean really deep.
Let’s look back before we move forward (just so that we generate enough traction). In looking at the reactions that certain situations trigger, you might have come to a point where it is even possible for you to now anticipate realistically how you are going to feel in a particular situation. This alone is invaluable. All too often it happens that in planning a particular strategy, it backfires because when we find ourselves in the actual scenario, in our actual shoes, our emotions betray us and we are not capable of pulling the stunt that went so smoothly in our minds. Self-knowledge is good and dandy, but we will not stop there…
Before I move on further, I will elaborate succinctly what happened in the previous experiment. This is to say, I will hand you the map of the territory you just explored. Yes, I am that nice.
When you either went through a situation you were exploring or ran through it in your head (it actually makes little difference – thank the power of your imagination), certain stimulus went through your five senses. Note that I deliberately cite all of them, as each will affect how you are feeling in a particular situation. When that stimulus reached your thinking machine (not so much thinking as reacting at this point), the very first thing to happen was a surface-level processing (by the innermost, less evolved areas of your brain), involving reflexes and fight or flight reactions.
Your brain assessed whether your physical integrity was at risk and other data such as distance to objects, body position etc. Right after that, your associative memory started finding similar situations, and patterns within the particular event you are amidst of, and bombarded your subconscious with images and sensations associated with them. This is to say that if you were talking to a certain person, events of your past interactions with the person came to the background of your mind. Not only that, but if a particular odor was filling the place, events and memories associated with that odor came to your mind too. With your mind boiling with such information, more evolved areas of the brain triggered, and your own set of values, imagery, beliefs, and preferences evaluated and filtered the torrent of information. This is where emotions likely started to run high.
In comparing, contrasting and judging, your mind processed how you reacted to similar events, whether the nature of the situation was positive or negative and even how you feel about this set of circumstances. That split-second evaluation played a huge part in the selection of hormones that were chosen for release. With that all running through your mind and body, your self-talk kicked in, adding fuel to the fire and reinforcing the bodily reactions that were already taking place. No wonder it is so hard to keep your cool in the middle of the fray!
Well, the actual picture is more complex than the above, but it is not my aim to write a book on neurophysiology. For now, try to keep a mental schema of what goes on in your mind and body as we continue exploring the mysteries of our own minds.
Once we have gotten the above down, your mind is probably filled with questions similar to these: How do we change behavior? How can we modify those automatic reactions so that we get a different output given the same input? The answer, though, will have to wait until the next chapter.
Part II
Thus far we have focused on understanding the intricate machinery of ourselves. There are plenty of books on psychology, emotional awareness, and a myriad of related topics. With this in mind, you might be asking yourself: What's the big deal about this all? What is for me that can not be found elsewhere? Those are good questions, and pretty valid concerns. Let me put it succinctly: What you have gained is knowledge of your own workings, not some abstract one-size-fits-all description of an average human. You are not a standard-issue human. You are a unique biological machine and as such this experiment treats you.
In the previous chapter, we outlined the elements that play a part in shaping your behaviors and responses to events. We saw that past conditioning, chemical reactions, and your own set of beliefs influence how you react to stimulus a great deal. With that model in mind, we will move forward to something more ambitious: modifying not only behavior but our core “being”. If the model I just mentioned needs refreshing, take your time to navigate to “Engineers of the self, prelude to part II”.
Now, in modifying behavior there are, roughly, two ways in which to proceed. The short-term one is very situational, and it involves direct conditioning through exposure. Being situational, it serves to alter your emotional reactions to a very concrete situation, but the experience is not transferable across the board. The second one is more involved, harder to engage in, but provides true long-term, transferable benefits. This last approach is that of reprogramming the brain by altering thought processes and cognitive maps.
In this chapter, we will focus on the first ways I outlined. As explained, this will only serve to modify your reaction in a very set scenario. Even if you face a similar situation, and as obvious as the patterns that link both situations are for you, chances are in the heat of the moment your brain won’t be able to tell. This procedure is good for preparing yourself in advance for events that you expect to face and that you can easily imagine (say a meeting with the boss etc).
The Exercise
We will proceed in the same manner as we did in chapter I. We can go about it in two ways: by direct repeated exposure or by going through the situation in your mind repeatedly. I assume that in most cases you won’t have the privilege of repeating again and again a potentially dangerous situation, so for the purpose of this experiment we will opt for going through it in your mind.
The crux of this exercise is finding a situation you have trouble with. Remember the little experiment we performed in the first chapter? Right, so go pick one of the events you went through and select one which is particularly disturbing, one that so easily throws you off balance…
Now quiet yourself. Breathe in out in out and all that. Relive the moment. Be there. Go through it again and again, monitor your body and reactions... by now you should be quite proficient at this. When you are actually imbued with the emotional state that what you are reliving has arisen, I want you to introduce change. I want you to resist the emotions of the moment. Actively deny what you are feeling, and take a proactive stance in managing your emotions. Focus on the problem that lies in front of you, how would you like to feel right now? What should you do to feel that way? Experiment with it. Change your intonation, and see if the unsettling emotion goes away. Modify your body posture, your gaze, ask questions... try different approaches and see how each makes you feel. Rinse and repeat, until you get it, until you feel exactly how you would have liked to in the first place.
Now go out into the world, and try the real thing with what you have learned and practiced in mind. Remember that what you experiment with in reality should be very similar to what you have trained yourself to face. So stick to your guns, and be wise in approaching the whole thing.
Practice this until you manage to introduce change that you can carry with you in the real world. Once this is done, we will move to introducing a different sort of change in your being, one that can be taken with you anywhere you go, and that will hopefully last a lifetime.