Failure and Success

I call it a pseudo-lecture because you all should know this by now; however, experience reminds me to never assume actual retention occurs when the Sithlings read.

Failure is inevitable. To fear you may fail is the same as fearing you may one day die. And just as you may die quickly and painlessly, or gruesomely, or slowly on a dialysis machine wishing your kids would just pull the damned plug out, there are many ways to fail. You may get a B in your final exam when you were hoping for an A. You may fail to reach a person in such a way that they suddenly see themselves the way you have been waiting for them to. You may fail to fasten your seatbelt and meet that afore-mentioned gruesome death. You may have to take your driver’s test three times before you pass. The point is, we fail every day. Every time we fail to remember to pick up our phone on the way out – every time we fail to notice that we’ve hurt a good friend’s feelings. We’re constantly failing.

Lately my lectures want to center around what separates a Sith from a lot of other people, and this is something that came up. A Sith isn’t defined as someone constantly succeeding; rather, a Sith sets herself apart by her reaction to failing. This is key to understanding the Path. Failure is as frequent an activity as changing your underwear, and taking a shower. A Sith knows this, and is as afraid of it as she is of any of those mundane things. Failure happens. It’s as certain as death and taxes.

About three weeks ago I did get a B when I was hoping for an A (not in my final, but still, a semi-important exam). My academic achievements are a source of pride for me, so I was wounded by this failure. Luckily the rest of the class did worse than I did, and the teacher graded on a curve which bumped me back up to an A – but still. I was upset. After all, if I had gotten a B on this exam, what was to stop me getting a B on the final? And just like that, there was Fear, prompt as ever, tapping at the door and trying to wedge his foot inside.

Now, you might say that this was not a big failure. You might be tempted to say it doesn’t matter. It’s a trivial thing. Listen: anything that creates a fear response in you is not a trivial thing to you. And the more you ignore that Fear, the more he’s just going to sit outside waiting. Fear isn’t a schoolyard bully, he’s that big loyal dog you leave outside in the rain because you don’t want his paws on your cream colored sofa. He wants to help. And he’s going to sit at your window and stare mournfully at you until you acknowledge him.

So I was afraid. It shook me up; I mean, I never fail. Not academically. Another key point of being a Sith? You don’t need to fear Fear. Fear happens. Fear too, is as inevitable as taxes.

And then Key Point 3. This is the part where I allowed Fear to be my ally, and used it to examine my Failure. I took responsibility for my failure. I didn’t look at the teacher, and blame him; I didn’t look at the exam and say it was to hard; I looked at myself, and I asked what I needed to change. Why had my studying for this exam been so ineffectual?

Well, obviously I changed my studying methods for this class. I looked at my exam results and noticed I had done better with concepts explained by diagrams, more than concepts explained with words, so I started taking that extra 15 minutes per lesson to draw all the diagrams on the teacher’s slides as well as writing all the notes. I noticed that the textbook was so boring that I couldn’t even force myself to read it for more than a few minutes at a time, but at the same time, I was losing information I needed by not reading it. So I started reading it in 5 minute chunks and took minute breaks to do ANYTHING else in between. This meant that some days I was sitting in the library from 1pm to 6pm, to accomplish all my assignments, but I did it.

And you know what? Today I took a preparation exam for my next semi-important exam, and scored 100%. Key Point number 4: A Sith assumes responsibility for her success.

So there it is: Your 4-Point Plan to getting an A next time. Finals are a month away; if any one else is working through them, work hard, and do well.