Hunger Within

(The heart is a living thing, feed it and it will grow.)

Desire, passion, will to power, hunger, internal drive, true will, the inner flame… there are plenty of names for it, but they’re all different words for the same thing. I call it hunger because it is, in essence, a primal drive. Falling in love is a form of it, and so is an occupational calling, or an art form, a skill set, a practice. One of my passions is this way of life; that’s why I still run this site, that’s why I still write in my journal here, and underlying the reasons I gave in answer to Martialis’ question the other day, that’s why I’m working with him now.

The heart wants what the heart wants, as they say, but one of the first challenges is in determining what it wants.

With most people, passion and reason are often at odds with each other. But when there is a difference between what you feel you should do and what you think you should do, it’s a no-brainer. Quite literally in fact. When the intellect is getting in the way, remove it from the equation. Believe it or not it still plays a role, but the shift in focus is important. You know what’s right for you on an intuitive, instinctual level. You don’t need to think about it. The intellect is only good for figuring out how to influence reality to manifest your desires.

“You know all you need to know. It’s within you. You only have to become aware of it and embrace it.”~Lumiya

The only thing I could add are examples. And how many of those do you really need? You see them all around you every day. You create them each and every day yourself, though they might be on a smaller, unsatisfactory, less than fulfilling level. Here is one from my life: My dad is a sideshow performer these days. The pay is probably shit, he’s travelling all the time, and rarely passes through California. He doesn’t often see the kids (my brother and sister) that went along with him and his wife when they moved out of state a few years ago. There’s definitely a price to pay for the path he’s walking. But…

He seems to thrive on performing, on having an audience, on amazing people with the crazy shit he pulls.

That, and the lifestyle itself suits him well.

Calls himself the worlds most daring sword swallower, and after seeing some of the stunts he’s been up to lately I don’t think that’s pretentious at all. It might not be glamorous, but he’s living a dream. His dream. He made a short appearance in an episode of “American Horror Story: Freakshow”. He just got re-married to some chick twenty times hotter than my last step mother. It might not be my ideal life, but he’s a fucking child in all (or, well, most of) the right ways. Imagination, passion, and pursuit. Consequences be damned, he dreams something up and does it. Want more? Have another… Have one of my very own.

Writing has always been a passion of mine.

Maybe it’s a byproduct of my familiarity with it through participating on forums like this one, or my time spent at OotS and other places has simply served to hone certain invaluable skills with it. It probably goes further back though because I remember making little “story books” when I was five or six. Anyways, whatever its origins might be, I’ve garnered a following of almost 2,000 people (and counting) through my writing, blogging and fiction. I’ve got a pen name that roles off the tongue, an image that’s beautiful, genuine, and totally me. I’ve got an audience that interacts, that takes an interest, that shares my writing with others.

Most of this is simply a result of blind passion.

I started doing it purely for the pleasure. To feed the hunger, for an audience, for recognition, for stimulation. For fun. I might continue doing it for those reasons. Or I can start working on something serious, some legit stories, some sellable characters, worlds, words. Whichever direction I choose though, I’m only going up. The dips, the occasional unfollow, the bulk of followers who don’t actually read after subscribing, are all outweighed by the gains I’ve made each month. The more I feed my hunger, the more I want to do it again, and the more I need to fill that emptiness, to satisfying that yearning. The more that I reach out, the bigger I get.

What about you? Reflect a little. Take stock of the world you live in.How many manifestations of passion surround you every day?