In coming to an understanding of just how debilitating inadequate relations with others can be, let us embark upon a journey.
The first stop on our way is the educational system. (Note that the references to education hold true for many areas of the USA, what is valued and considered honorable or worthy in other countries can and does differ). As children we are coaxed into reading. We are given beautiful multi-sensory books. We are given much validation for successfully remembering a story, or reading our first beginner book all by ourselves.
As we move from being 5 towards 10, other priorities creep in. The athletic teams become more important, as do after school music lessons, ballet, swimming, civic youth groups, religious activities. Reading becomes something that is squeezed in “if there is time.” Although this has now changed in many schools, due in part to the NCLB legislation.
By the time we reach adolescence, reading has taken a back seat to social time. Spending time with the peer group becomes all-important. Declining to see the latest Hollywood release, to read the most recent novel published by your favorite author, is the kiss-of-death. And if you skip out on the weekend party, your social world is nearly guaranteed to be very narrow indeed.
The educational system, which claims to desire people to read more, actually encourages non-reading behaviors. School spirit is touted as all-important. Extra-curricular activities are pushed as things that will make you a “well-rounded individual.” Reading has become something relegated to necessary homework status only. Who has time to read for personal interest?
Those who resist or flat out ignore the strivings of the peer group will never stop reading. They are the ones who explore realms outside of their everyday existence. I cannot stress enough the importance of the value of reading. Very few, if any, of us possess the financial means to experience firsthand all the knowledge that is contained in books. Those who have not learned to read, and read well, will have a more difficult time in the beginnings of their journey to knowledge.
I encourage anyone who does not spend time in reading, to visit your public library and choose a book, any book will do for a beginning, and read it. Pick something that YOU wish to read. Not something you think you should read, or that others would expect you to read, but one that grips you by the mind and pulls you in. If you can’t find a book of that nature, take one at random and read that. Get in the habit of reading regularly. There will be times in your life that you deeply wish to learn a subject, and there will be no one to teach you. Your recourse at those times is books. In addition, books are a helpful supplement to most forms of instruction, and throughout the Fatum Operandi training you will find books required and/or recommended to read.
The people who yielded to peer pressure, and avoided anything which might label them as nerds, geeks, or brains, may possible have stunted their growth. Fortunately, lack of knowledge and education is something which can be changed, and the poor development of the mind can be remedied. It takes time, but the human brain is an awesome thing capable of more than many people wish to acknowledge.
The next stop on our journey is the local neighborhood. Take a look at how it is ordered. Do the houses neatly line up, or are the front lawns of varying size? Are there apartment buildings? Is there even landscaping at all? Perhaps you live in a large city, where the only green things are found in city parks. Perhaps you live in a rural setting, where everyone knows their neighbor well, and doors are often unlocked.
When differences between two adjoining neighbors arise, the potential exists for several outcomes. Instead of imperiously holding firm to your own side in the issue, take the time to really listen to what they have to say. It may not change your view, but it will allow you to select the best course of action.
As a fictitious example let us say that the neighborhood is of the suburb type. Not wealthy, not poor, just a middle-class neighborhood. Folks have open front yards, tidy well-groomed lawns, neat flowerbeds. Backyards are fenced with the minimal of property indications, some not at all. Neighbor Fred and Neighbor Bob happen to be in the middle of an issue over Fred’s dog. It seems Puddles has been digging up Bob’s prized rose garden in the backyard.
Bob has a few options at this point. He can call the Dogcatchers. He can call Fred and verbally harass him on the phone. He can avoid Fred, and sneak into Fred’s yard in the dead of night and pull up Fred’s prized carrot patch. He can attack Fred physically as Fred gets out of his car in the evening. He can build a high fence around his backyard, blocking the view for not only him but the rest of the neighborhood as well. He can put up an electric wire to keep Puddles out.
OR, he can take the time to let his initial anger over his rosebushes fade, and then visit Fred and discuss the situation. Perhaps Fred is defensive “MY Puddles would never do something like that!” Perhaps he is aware the dog has dug up several neighbors roses, Puddles being fond of thorny plants. Still, if Bob approaches Fred from the stance of “what can WE do to resolve this situation to please both of us” he will stand a better chance of keeping his roses out of harm’s way in the future.
When you encounter situations in life that enflame the emotion, give it some time and thought before blindly acting on your first impulse. You will find that events unfold in your favor more often than if you merely struck wildly at what hindered you. Note that in some instances reacting instantly on gut emotions is vitally necessary. Being physically attacked on the street. Driving on the Interstate in rush hour. Etc.
We have looked at education and our neighborhood. What of our larger community, country, the world? To be involved in our communities, we can run for public office, we can volunteer in many things (such as delivering meals to the elderly, picking up litter off the streets, organizing rallies, washing dogs at the Animal Shelter. Possibilities here are endless, limited only by your time and imagination). We can participate in festivals; walk, bicycle or use public transportation; say hello to the people we pass in the store, on the street, in an office. Involvement means forming connections with other living, breathing humans. It means stepping outside of our insular domain and taking risks. When we are not involved in our community, we do not have our voices heard, and it becomes likely that any needs we may have will not be met. Those who are loudest, gain most. This translates to Those who are most involved, gain most.
In matters of country, displaying a flag of one's homeland, supporting the sacrifices of the common citizen, voting where one is able to, celebrating national holidays and commemorations, taking part in cultural festivities, are all ways to be more involved. And again, one can also become involved in politics. By avoiding involvement in one's country, one becomes disconnected from the bigger picture. There is a loss of a sense of place, of roots. As nomadic as our nature's may be, we also have a deep-seated need for a sense of place, of belonging. Floating adrift in the seas of time, leaves us directionless and without a sense of purpose. If you loathe the government of the nation in which you live, you can still be a part of the People. As most of us know, the will of the People is rarely truly reflected by what governments actually do. Get to know the people themselves at a one-on-one level, before handing out a piecemeal judgement upon an entire nation.
Global community is most likely easiest to participate in by being a participant of online forums. Most of us lack the financial means to travel abroad. However, we can read newspapers of other nations online, (many have several options for the language which one can read the content in), we can sample music from around the world, we can chat and exchange thoughts and ideas in webboard communities. There are organizations which span the globe, and cover many areas of interest. Anything from politics to environment to spirituality to miscellaneous hobbies. Lack of global involvement has less obvious impact upon us than lack of involvement closer to home. However, by being insular (not looking outside of one's comfort area) we limit our understanding of the way the world works. We can fall prey to the notion that our way is somehow the most right way, granted special spiritual status in the greater scheme of the universe. Neglecting to come to understand that despite all the differences between cultures and nations, we are all still human, will result in only more upheaval and abandonment of higher knowledge.
The further you move away from your immediate neighborhood, the more likely you will find misunderstandings arise. It is to everyone's benefit to ask questions when confused, to explain one's stance in an alternate way, to say "what I think you are saying is x,y,z, am I correct?" In this way, you can avoid many of the issues which are not really anything more than a misunderstanding of meaning, rather than an actual disagreement. By better understanding, we gain knowledge and forge connections with other people.
Over time, our ability to relate to others, to be able to understand their views, and to communicate effectively our own views, will become second nature. While it is one of my idealistic hopes, the more of these connections we can forge, the more likely it will become to achieve a global understanding and cooperation.
Grieve not that men do not know you; grieve that you do not know men. - Confucius