The Fear Before the Fall

Tripping happens. Falling happens. I can spend my whole afraid I might fall, and actively planning how not to trip…

Or I can live my life.

My greatest fall… heh. I fell in love. And three years hence it is a weeping wound from which I have never quite rebounded.

Will I never love again? What a foolish vow to take. I will gladly trip headlong into it again, with all its heady intoxication and promises of doom. Yes, I would let another man in, and I would let him devour me, have his way with me, destroy me, and I would cherish every moment of it. I am not so afraid of bruises that I must watch where I walk, when I could be admiring the sun its golden sky. I am not so afraid of a little pain.

There is restraint, and there are cages. A fear of life is a fear of freedom. Use your freedom wisely; use your restraint wisely.

I learn by doing; I learn by failing, I learn by getting up and attempting another time; I do not learn when I say, “That thing is frightening and it hurt me, I will never do it again”…

Thrills do not last forever; neither does pain. And I can choose between a bloodless, tearless life of peace, or a life lived to it’s utmost, with every ounce of passion, fear, lust and crazed inspiration I have to throw at it.

Somewhere in here: shh. Somewhere in here is the Dark.

Somewhere in here is my terror at dying before I have lived.

Somewhere in here is my terror that I was not enough.

From this, so much passion is born. Passion for life, for the unexpected, for the chaos, for the rhythm, for the joy, for the experience. From this, my animal nature springs, wild and intuitively knowing, a she-wolf in the woodland whose blood sings and heart dances.

So what if I trip?

So what if I fall?

So what if it hurts?

When is self-preservation just an excuse not to live?

When you refrain from standing too close to the edge?

When you refrain from going up to the roof at all?

When you decide stairs are too frightening, and so, stay on the ground?

When you decide you are too tall, and lie down, and stay lying down, because that way, at least you’re already there?

I do not say that we should all be reckless with our wild and precious lives; but these are questions worth considering.