Why do we act the way we do?

Why is it that some things that would normally bother just about anyone else seem to have no effect on us, yet other things that seem so trivial can put us right through the roof? Why do we feel the way we do about things? What is it about us that makes us so different from one another, even though we all are prone to the same kinds of emotions? The answer is in your life experience. This is the blueprint in which we were evolved (or in some cases, de-evolved) from. We are products, and often times VICTIMS, of our life experiences. We usually become the latter when we don’t bother to consider our life experiences and the behavior patterns they have engraved upon us.

There are a variety of circumstances that play into our emotional make-up, situations we may not really consider until it has been pointed out to us.

The first two are more or less a given. One of my oldest standing jokes with a previous mentor has to do with emotional triggers stemming from the parents. Generally speaking, the joke is “Of course your parents know where your buttons are, they installed them.” Teachers can have the same kind of effect as well, and this doesn’t necessarily just apply to school. Anyone who has ever instructed you in anything could be considered a teacher, including relatives and friends. Incidentally, if any sort of negative experience took place during a time when you were being taught something, those experiences have a tendency to record themselves permanently. Since instruction more or less teaches you a behavioral pattern in some context, any negative experiences become part of that pattern as well. An example would be a student who has trouble with math. We’ll say that the student originally had no trouble with math at all. He went through all the basic arithmetic and even algebra without any real trouble. When he reaches geometry, he gets a teacher who is impatient and doesn’t properly explain things. As a result, his grade drops drastically. When he moves on to the next year of math, he gets a better teacher, but his grades are still low. End result, the student was unable to perform to his normal capabilities and lost his confidence in his abilities to absorb the material properly. In turn, this will follow him throughout the rest of his academic career until he identifies the problem and addresses it. Anything that he deals with that is math-oriented will become a point of emotional distress for him.

Academic performance doesn’t necessarily have to be linked with the teacher though. There are plenty of students who have excellent teachers, but just can’t seem to get the hang of a particular subject. We’ll use math as a subject again. In this case, we’ll say the student had decent teachers, but was never very mathematically inclined. Once again, he can become anxious, depressed, or perhaps even hostile when placed in a situation where math is required. When faced with the prospect of failure, many of us cannot maintain calm about it.

The other categories are a little more personalized, as everyone’s social interactions and outside activities vary. However, they still play a crucial role in our emotional development. A child who has done well in some sort of athletic activity throughout most of their years will be more likely to feel comfortable when facing new challenges or trying something new. Someone who wasn’t given the opportunity to compete and try their physical capabilities in different arenas will be less likely to cope with new challenges as well. The same applies to social situations and environmental circumstances. You are emotionally more stable in those situations you know or have had some sort of positive experience with than those that are foreign or associated with some sort of negative experience. Take a person who cannot handle going to parties. The person may well have had problems being accepted socially, perhaps even was ostracized a good deal of their child. As a result, they will be less inclined to deal well with people, which will affect their business and personal life until the problem is rectified.

The following patterns that were cited were pretty broad-based. Each person has their own issues that they must address, and they may not be nearly as obvious as having a fear of being social or find themselves growing hostile when an intellectually challenging situation comes along. A lot of the negative experiences are much smaller than that. I had a friend who had the most irrational fear of snakes. He just couldn’t stand being anywhere near them. I asked him if he had ever been bitten by one or teased with one, and he said no. Needless to say, it was very hard to figure out where his reaction came from. Then, we finally uncovered the root of the problem. It turned out that every summer when he had to mow the lawn, inevitably he would always end up running over a garter snake or two, which could often be a rather gruesome experience if the mower didn’t have a grass-catcher on it. His negative association was not based on the idea the snake would harm him, but more on a subconscious level that he would harm it. Once he realized this, he got over his fear.

Questions to consider:

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